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Fundoplication and Hiatus Hernia Repair – Reflux Surgery

Undergoing surgery to fix my Silent Reflux and Chronic Cough.

Back in 2008 I noticed I had an irregular but irritating cough, and three years later I saw my GP about it. Over the next four years I had a laryngoscopy, speech therapy, and an x-ray but nothing was found to be a problem. By 2015 the cough was getting seriously worse. I was having coughing fits that were persistent and long making it hard to catch my breath. These fits were causing pain and were so hard my back would go. I was then prescribed antacids, then antihistamines, another x-ray, and then a spirometry test, but nothing worked.

My GP diagnosed Reflux and Reflux Oesophagitis (inflammation of the oesophagus caused by reflux) and prescribed Lansoprazole, Gaviscon, and Prednisolone, then sent me to ENT. The consultant diagnosed Laryngopharyngeal Reflux – Silent Reflux and said some damage around my vocal chords will likely be permanent.

Chronic cough and irritated throat 2015 © Lisa Shambrook

In 2019 after prolapse diagnosis I was referred to Gastroenterology in case my prolapse was related to my persistent cough and Silent Reflux. A year later, another consultant, a Heliobacter pylori blood test, which came back clear, and another chest x-ray. I was told my persistent cough was much worse and impacting my prolapse. I was prescribed Omeprazole every day and Gaviscon every night, and the PPI was soon increased to 40mg a day from 20mg as I was struggling to breathe through severe coughing fits. He then switched my PPI up to Esomeprazole 40mg instead of Omeprazole. A couple of months later my then GP told me nothing was changing and I’d have to go back to Omeprazole and “just live with the reflux and cough.”.

I was scared that if the cough wasn’t brought under control my impending prolapse repair surgery would ultimately fail. A new doctor referred me back to Gastroenterology for an Endoscopy and to see what surgery might be offered.

Seven months later I went in for an Endoscopy. I was off reflux medication in preparation and suffered horrific reflux, constant burn, heartburn, indigestion, vomiting, bloating, noisy belly, and chest pain. Constant coughing which pulled on my prolapse, and I couldn’t sleep for acid in my oesophagus all night. The results of the Endoscopy showed severe Reflux, large hiatus hernia, but no evidence of Barrett’s (Barrett’s oesophagus – a condition where cells in the lining of the gullet become abnormal and can lead to cancer), which was a relief. Another Heliobacter pylori test was clear, and I was told to continue with my double dose PPI and Gaviscon. I was told there was no operation to repair my loose stomach valve, to fix the constant leak of stomach acid, available to me.

Endoscopy report 2019 © Lisa Shambrook

I went through that year, 2022, with my chronic cough causing breathing difficulties. I was sucking throat lozenges with Hexylresorcinol antiseptic and anaesthetic to help control my cough, and Tic Tacs whenever my throat was too dry and tickly. Another doctor at the practice said that Omeprazole and Gaviscon should stop symptomatic reflux. He sent me for another chest x-ray, and then re-referred me to Gastroenterology and Reflux specialist to see what they could do about my hiatus hernia and reflux cough.

Reflux and chronic cough 2022 © Lisa Shambrook

My chronic cough was getting progressively worse. I had coughing fits every day, causing vomiting after food, and inflammation closing my oesophagus and windpipe making it difficult to breathe, which was incredibly scary, and resulted in a rush to A&E when I couldn’t breathe after a coughing fit. At A&E they did blood tests, lung ultrasound, chest x-ray, and an ECG. All were clear, though they could see that I could barely breathe my SATs were all at 100% so enough oxygen was getting through to breathe. I tried to explain that my cough closed up my airway with inflammation, but once I could breathe again, they just told me I was having a panic attack. I felt really embarrassed, invalidated, and despairing. I mean, it was obvious being unable to breathe would cause panic, but my airway was inflamed and I couldn’t stop it.

I desperately did my own research on surgical intervention, and returned to the doctor’s practice to ask if I could get Fundoplication surgery, but was told that it was very unlikely. It was just after Covid and my new GP told me that hospitals weren’t doing surgeries that weren’t totally necessary, but she did re-refer me anyway with a request for surgery. She also advised me to research private surgery instead.

I knew that I couldn’t go on as I was. My body was in constant discomfort, spasm, and pain with every cough, and my depression and anxiety with the situation was growing. Vince and I talked about the situation knowing we didn’t have money for private surgery, but my quality of life was suffering so badly, that he suggested we take some money from his pension and a loan to cover any private funding. It was a really big step. I was still waiting to see another gastroenterologist on the NHS, but we decided to check out a private surgeon for advice while we waited.

In early 2023, I saw a general surgeon, who specialised in reflux surgery, at Sancta Maria private hospital in Swansea. I explained my reflux diagnosis, my fifteen-year-old chronic cough, and my resulting multiple prolapses. He was lovely and very informative. He did offer Fundoplication surgery, but wanted to conduct his own tests to see if I was actually suitable for the option. He also explained that though my cough had been linked to my silent reflux, he couldn’t guarantee that surgery would get rid of it. The private appointment cost £240, and he sent me for a Barium Swallow test, and pH level and Manometric tests to check the acidity in my stomach. I accepted these tests via the NHS, so would wait for them as he referred me.

A month later I went into hospital for Pelvic Floor and Prolapse surgery and a Hysterectomy on the NHS. I desperately wanted this surgery to work, and it was scary knowing I still had my cough.

pH testing 2023 © Lisa Shambrook

Two months after that I had my Barium test, which showed no abnormality in swallowing. Four weeks later, I went to Port Talbot hospital for my Manometry tests. The Manometry test was to swallow a narrow tube to check my swallow muscles. I couldn’t swallow the tube at all, my gag reflex made me cough and vomit, and in the end after trying for a while the nurse decided to stop the procedure as my Barium test had already shown no issue with swallowing muscles. Instead, I only had the pH acid level test. A much smaller tube, 1-2mm, was inserted up my nose and down my oesophagus with a sensor at the base of it which rested at the bottom of my throat. This was attached to a monitor that I would wear for 24 hours. It was to measure how far up my oesophagus my reflux acid went and how acidic it was. I was told to eat things that I normally couldn’t – like chocolate, fried chicken, pineapple etc – to get accurate readings of stomach acidity.

Oesophageal acid pH levels should be a 7 on the scale, but if they dropped below 4 that would indicate strong/bad levels of acid. I had to keep a diary of episodes of reflux and coughing and the scores on the monitor. Most of my readings were between 2 and 4 and reached a low of 2.1pH, so I was definitely getting severe reflux. I finally felt validated.

pH testing acid monitor © Lisa Shambrook

Back at Sancta Maria hospital and my surgeon said the acid levels were definitely clear enough to warrant surgery, but he was still wary of whether it was causing my cough, so he referred me to Respiratory on the NHS to check everything that might cause a cough. He was very surprised I hadn’t already been offered these tests by my GP.

Within a week my GP had tried an asthma inhaler after another spirometry test, but no change. Five days later I got my Gastroenterology appointment I’d been referred for a year ago. The consultant was so good, and listened to my full history. He looked at my results of the tests I’d recently had from private referral, and explained the Fundoplication surgery in full for me. He told me I was a good candidate for the surgery on the NHS, but he said he couldn’t advise it because at that current time the surgery wasn’t deemed ‘life-saving, but life-style’. The NHS was only considering essential surgery after Covid and the waiting list would be well over 7 years. He advised me to continue with the private option if I could afford it.

He also explained that Fundoplication surgery (folding the top part of the stomach around itself, like a scarf, and stitched together to tighten the stomach valve and prevent acid escaping into the throat), had a 33% chance of complete success, 33% chance of success which lessens as the years go by but could be controlled by PPIs, and 33% chance of short-term success to no success. So, that was a definite consideration.

Fundoplication – Nissen 360 – surgery 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

I had a plethora of respiratory tests: breathing and lung capacity, inhalers, blood tests for allergies – dog dander, mould, dust, etc, but no markers showed up, nasal inhaler for post-nasal drip, and turbo inhalers. After six months I had my last breathing test. A breathing exercise on a machine with a drug that gradually tightens your windpipe making it harder to breathe if you’re asthmatic. The drug is doubled each time, but my breathing remained steady and not affected, so I was finally cleared by my consultant and my cough was not caused by lung or respiratory issues.

Back at the private clinic and my surgeon agreed to do my Fundoplication. Prices were scary. The Professor’s fee was £2,900, anaesthetist £500-700, and £5560 for the hospital. Around £9K for surgery. That was a huge amount for a small income family, but taking out of our pension and taking out a loan would have to do.

Ready for surgery – Sancta Maria private hospital 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

I finally went in for surgery in July 2024.

The private hospital was very different to its NHS counterpart. It was quiet, staff had more time, it was fully air-conditioned – which during the height of summer was luxury, and when I went in at 7am I was met, given a spacious room of my own with a television and private bathroom. I actually felt guilty being there!

I had pre-surgery checks, a gown, and compression socks, then I met my anaesthetist and they walked me down to the surgical suite with my nurse at 9.45am. My surgeon spoke with me before I was anaesthetised and taken into the operating room.

As with previous surgeries, I briefly recall coming round, but no memory of ending up back in my room. I t was 12.45pm when I became aware of my surroundings. I waited for lunch time, but my nurse reminded me that all I needed to do was ask for food, no set times like NHS hospitals, and I was brought soup.

After surgery 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

The professor, my surgeon, popped in to let me know everything had gone really well and the surgery, 360˚ Nissen wrap (fundoplication) and Hiatus Hernia repair, had gone great. I was given Ondansetron (Zofran) for nausea (and that anaesthetic always made me sick) to be sure I didn’t vomit, and morphine then paracetamol for pain. I had a bad headache and felt really bloated.

I dozed until 5pm, then had more soup before watching TV all evening and went to bed when I wanted. Routine observations overnight and I awoke refreshed and with scrambled eggs for breakfast – it felt like a hotel! When my nurse checked my incisions, I noticed they’d been stapled, and I took photos, the staples fascinated me! Five incisions: two below my breastbone and above my belly button, one to the left just beneath my breast, and two to the left of my belly button.

Staples in keyhole surgery incisions – breakfast 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

I was released to go home early afternoon. It was interesting to compare the private and NHS experiences I’d had with surgery. The staff, nurses, surgeons etc were on par with both, brilliant, kind, caring, and efficient, but the difference was in numbers; cost of treatment, probably wages for staff, and the pressure of numbers of patients to the ratio of staff. NHS staff have to cope with vastly more patients, so are under much more pressure.

In hospital 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

The following day I noticed that my reflux was gone, but I was also barely eating and my diet was liquid and mashed foods only for two weeks. I continued to take Omeprazole to be sure there was less stomach acid so my stomach could heal, and I took Ondansetron while I still felt sick and bloated. Often Fundoplication surgery will result in an inability to vomit or burp, and, certainly, vomiting could wreck the delicate wrap around the top of the stomach. The second day home and exhaustion hit, and I felt shattered and very weak.

I napped, I ate protein yoghurts, watery soup, banana and soya milk milk-shakes, and juices. I could hardly drink anything, though, and had lost 10lbs by the weekend. The gas, which surgeons pump into your body so that they can reach and find the right organs inside you, usually ends up around your shoulder, leaving you with a lot of pain up there until it disperses.

I also had severe occipital neuralgia, which drove me to tears more than any other pain I was in. Paracetamol and codeine didn’t touch it; we called 111 and I was prescribed quadruple strength Cocodamol from 8mg codeine to 30mg. The next day the pain switched from just stabbing to burning and tingling across the occipital nerve from the tip of my scalp to my chin, with a rash accompanying it. Back to the doctor and it turned out I had Shingles, again. I had no idea it could triggered by surgery when your immune system is busy trying to fix you elsewhere. I then had a reaction to the plasters covering my incisions, so had to get hydrocortisone and sensitive plasters, but no problems changing (and cleaning my incisions with Sodium Chloride) my dressings every day. I just changed the angle of the plasters to avoid the sore patches of skin each time.

Sodium Chloride and sensitive plasters 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

After a week I felt a little stronger, and went out for hot chocolate with Vince. Not a great idea! I very quickly experienced Dumping Syndrome. This is where sugar goes straight through you, literally, making you run for a bathroom, at the same time as making you feel nausea, faint, shaky, and weak. Not fun!

Twelve days after surgery I had my staples taken out, easy and painless. I freaked out a bit back at home when changing the plasters, though. I had expected the wounds to all have healed over, and edge-to-edge skin closed. Nope. Three were, but two weren’t. These incisions were where tubes and surgical equipment had been used in keyhole surgery to operate, so the holes were different sizes. The biggest hole/incision closest to my belly button was gaping open, about 4mm deep, and 4mm open. The one beneath my breast was open, but not as much. It scared me a bit and I rushed to my nurse friend to ask her advice! Apparently, the deeper, bigger ones will knit together internally first, building up to an external scab when they close and flatten in the long run.

Staples out at 12 days, and healing at 3 weeks 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

After a month, I’d lost a stone (14lbs) in weight, through very small meals: liquid and mashed. I introduced fish in parsley sauce, egg mayo, smoothies, and very mashed potato after a few weeks, but still had almost no appetite, nothing unusual there, lol. At 5 weeks I was eating most things, just not steaks or bread. I was walking regularly when we walked the dog, and kept things gentle, so I felt much stronger by this point.

Incisions healing at 5 weeks, and 3 months. Lost 1.5 stone (21lbs) 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

By six weeks I felt pretty much back to normal and it was wonderful to experience no more reflux. I could burp, but mainly from my throat, if the gas was in my stomach, it came out the other end, and I quickly had to accept that passing wind would be the new way of life. Farting jokes were fully acceptable, and it was necessary to have a sense of humour! The reason behind this is because the very top part of your stomach is called the fundus, and it’s where the stomach stores all the gas stomach creates during digestion. Normally that gas slowly disperses and disappears without any issues. However, Fundoplication surgery explains it in its name: the fundus is used to create the wrap that goes around the base of your oesophagus. The stomach which in my case was herniating into the hiatus (the opening in my diaphragm that lets the food pipe pass through to the stomach) is pushed back inside and the wrap reinforces the valve that opens your stomach. So, without a fundus, the fallout is farting, a lot!

Unfortunately, at six weeks I noticed a return of my cough. It wasn’t bad, and nowhere near the horrific coughing fits of the past. My first fear was a failure of my wrap, of the surgery, but I had no reflux. I went back on Omeprazole for a couple of months, but that made no difference to my cough at all, so I did some of my own reflux and stomach acid research.

I read that pepsin, a stomach acid, can migrate out of a stomach and into the oesophagus, and was known to also be a cause for silent reflux and/or a reflux cough. Eating acidic food can activate pepsin in the throat, burning it and perhaps causing a cough. I spent a while cutting acidic food back out of my diet. I also bought an alkaline water filter, to reduce the acidity of the water I drink.

This actually made no difference to my cough, and neither did reintroducing acidic food. So, I went back to my GP, and we concluded that my cough (thankfully much better than before surgery, but still regular) is not respiratory, allergies, post-nasal drip, or reflux, so we moved into more diverse reasons. I’d read about the vagus nerve causing a neuropathic and hypersensitive nerve cough. The vagus nerve runs right behind the lining of the throat behind the tonsils.

This cough is triggered by irritants or sensations: perfume, the cold, movement of the neck, talking, laughing, and smells. The neuropathic cough can cause persistent cough, breathing issues during coughing fits, vomiting, stress incontinence, and more. The description fitted my cough perfectly. It’s a dry cough at the very top of my throat, a sudden tickle, or dry patch causes a coughing fit for what seems like no reason. Mine is often caused by smells, body movement, talking, sudden change in air temperature, cessation of exercise, and other small things.

There have been studies on the vagus nerve showing damage caused by several things: upper respiratory infections, which I’ve had lots of throughout my teens and twenties (when I was diagnosed with ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), or nerve sensitivity, or larynx hypersensitivity, or neuralgia, or shingles etc. I fit a lot of these causes. So, I am now trying a new approach, to try and retrain the vagus nerve if it’s been damaged and caused the cough.

Koufman Chronic Neurogenic Cough Plan 2024 © Lisa Shambrook

I tried taking low dose Amitriptyline to see if that helped, but it didn’t on its own, so then we added Gabapentin. The purpose of taking the Amitriptyline with the Gabapentin is that the low dose Amitriptyline is supposed to help the Gabapentin work better. Gabapentin is supposed to help calm hypersensitive nerves. I began with 300mg each day (100mg three times a day), then 500mg a day three months later, six months later up to 900mg a day. Another six months and up to 1,200mg a day. The idea is that a consistent dose for up to a year could retrain the nerve and eliminate the cough.

A year-and-a-half later and my surgical scars were healing well; they’ll continue to fade with time. I’d kept the weight I lost off. I wasn’t as hungry as I had been, maybe because my stomach was smaller, and still no reflux.

Incisions healing at 1, and 1.5 years 2025 © Lisa Shambrook

The cough is an ongoing thing, and though I still cough, there are no major coughing fits – I sometimes have coughing fits that lead into a sneeze, like from a tickly throat – but my coughing is minimal compared to what it was. If it isn’t successful, then I’ll get referred to neurology to see if there’s anything else they can try.

Incisions healing at 2 years and a lot less noticeable 2026 © Lisa Shambrook

My Fundoplication reflux surgery seems to be a complete success two years later, with no reflux and the ability to eat almost anything I want to. Even though the surgery was taken in a bid to eradicate my cough, it has eliminated my reflux, which was definitely making my cough a lot worse. I am fully aware that the wrap can loosen with time, but I am hoping it stays operational for a lot longer, and I am so much happier having had it.

Caramel Pear Tea 2026 © Lisa Shambrook

Saving the Summer Realm – The Tale of Four Authors and Pleached Writing

The Summer Realm series of books is a unique tale of three agents:
Wren – a reclusive loner mage and her beloved fox,
Cleaveskull – a gentle-hearted airship guard-winder,
and Ash – a skilled-in-the-art-of-disguise wily spy,
with Tricky – an intriguing and potent witch from another world,
fighting to defeat a threat that will annihilate their realm.
Their stories weave together until they meet for the final showdown.

About two years ago Michael Wombat approached myself, Miranda Kate, and Victoria Pearson with the acorn of an idea and it grew into this huge old oak tree of three books.

Agents of Secrets and Lies, Savage Invasion, Battle of Wind and Fire books © Lisa Shambrook

As soon as I was approached, I jumped at the chance and it was a privilege to write with this group. We brainstormed on WhatsApp and created the Summer Realm, a land of steampunk, medieval, and fantasy tech with just more than a hint of Dungeons and Dragons. Michael assigned us a corner of the map and let us loose to create our characters and their stories. Michael knew how the story started, and sent messenger parrots to deliver an individual mission to each of our characters. From there we set about crossing snowfields, deserts, inhospitable lands, and traipsing through towns and cities to achieve our objectives.

Michael Wombat, Miranda Kate, Victoria Pearson and Lisa Shambrook © Lisa Shambrook

We totally surpassed our original anticipated wordcount, and the single book expanded to become three.

Michael worked tirelessly, though, he was probably exhausted, pleaching* our four stories together – weaving them as if they’d naturally grown together twining like ivy, jasmine, wisteria, and convolvulus.

All through this, Michael was fighting cancer.

As we neared the end of 2025, Michael’s body had done with fighting.

Miranda worked every hour of every day (I’m not even joking) editing, collating, and preparing the files for publishing. Victoria worked on marketing, and we all made tongue-in-cheek videos of our characters. Even I did a video, as camera-shy as I am!

To Miranda’s eternal credit, she privately got a version of all three books in one omnibus printed and sent to Michael. He wept when he opened it. He held the three books in one volume, and saw the fruition of two solid years of work in his own hands.

To our devastation, Michael Wombat passed away, quietly in hospital, just a few days before the first book was published and released.

The Summer Realm was his realm.

The Summer Realm Map © Michael Wombat

To say how proud we, and he, are of these books is an understatement.

I put aside the chaos my own books were going through (I’ll post another day about that), to spend two years writing and being part of this Summer Realm series, and I’d do it all again if it gave me the opportunity to work with these wonderful authors.

And this is what we wrote!

Agents of Secrets and Lies Cover © Kit Cooper and Miranda Kate

Agents of Secrets and Lies

Savage Invasion

and Battle of Wind and Fire

The first book is out there right now, the second available for pre-order and released on 6th February 2026, and the third also available for pre-order and slated for release on 20th March 2026.

We hope you love reading them as much as we loved writing them!

*Pleached When we first started this project, Michael used The Pleached Path as the interim name of the book, because it defined, quite literally, what we were about to do with our writing and stories.

Pleached definition:

Webster Dictionary: pleach plēch, vt to intertwine the branches of (eg a hedge); to fold (the arms; Shakesp); to plash. [From form of OFr pless(i)er, from L plectere

Roget’s Thesaurus: weave, loom; pleach, plait, braid; … enlace, interlace, interlink, interlock, interdigitate, intertwine, intertwist, interweave, enmesh, engage gear; twine, entwine,  …wreathe, pleach;

Pleach definitions © Lisa Shambrook

Hence, the four of us will be forever pleached together because of this work.

Lisa Shambrook, Michael Wombat, Miranda Kate and Victoria Pearson in front of Summer Realm map © the four of us

Deconstruction – Turning Faith into Freedom

Religion – they tell you that you are loved unconditionally,
and then they teach you all the conditions – Anon

I’m participating in a research study about coping mechanisms and support for people leaving high-demand religions. Some of the fastest growing groups in this category are ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses and ex-Mormons. There’s often little outside support or framework to help those who leave high-demand communities to deal with integrating back into ordinary life. Some people can happily leave religion without a backward glance, but others can find deconstruction very traumatic.

© Lisa Shambrook

Deconstruction is a term that means to break something down, to take it apart and study it to understand its meaning. It’s often used in a critical search to expose flaws, biases, and inconsistencies. It’s deep-diving into a subject to discover what it means to you, and how you feel about it.

Both of the above religions encourage or instruct members to only learn about the religion from trusted sources. These sources will be church sanctioned authored works. However, it’s not easy to come to an unbiased conclusion when you are only allowed approved sources. Deconstruction allows you to research and discover from all the available information and come to terms with information you often haven’t been privy to before.

Some of the fastest growing groups in this category are ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses and ex-Mormons © Lisa Shambrook

Leaving a religion or community you chose to be part of, or were born into, can leave you with many emotions, from deep loss, to huge relief, depending on your standpoint. People are all different, and some can shrug their shoulders and walk away without any lasting issues, while others can feel highly traumatised, struggling with reintegration, shame, guilt, regret, and more. 

© Lisa Shambrook

Religious trauma is a difficult thing to navigate, and can equate to many things from abuse, sexual assault, guilt, shame, financial difficulties, and just managing your life of freedom after you’ve lived a strict regime for so long. We’ve seen many stories of sexual abuse within religion from the high-profile Catholic scandals to smaller or covered-up stories in other religions. I’ve seen and experienced it several times within the religion I was brought up in. This kind of trauma is highly damaging to those that endure it.

Often people don’t take religious trauma seriously, because they’ve simply never experienced it, or cannot believe that a religion they love so much can cause trauma. Just because someone finds themselves easily fitting into the archetype of a specific religion it doesn’t mean everyone will. Accepting that religion works for some and is wrong for someone else is a healthy response. There should be no right or wrong, and no conditioning or shaping someone into something they are not. Judgement should be spared; after all, religion cannot be proven or disproven, so no one should preach the only, single truth when myriad ways exist to live happily.

It’s hard to talk about religious trauma as it’s taken time for me to deconstruct, and to accept both the blessings and regrets I have about the way I was brought up. I used to believe I had no regrets, that everything was a teaching moment, a time to grow, and that I hadn’t missed out on anything. However, I lived a life that was given to me, not forced – because my parents joined a religion that they truly believed and thought was best for their family – but being born inside a specific organisation or belief sees you growing up conditioned to their way of thinking, and that tends to negate choice.

Conforming to what was expected of me age 17 © Lisa Shambrook

I did miss a lot. I tried, as a teen, to live two separate livesan inside and an outside life. The one where I felt free was my outside life, and I thought I knew myself during that time, and maybe I did.

But my cage had been set from a young age, and when I tried to be who I really was, it was wrong. I couldn’t wear the clothes I felt myself in, I could not pierce my ears more than once, and showing cleavage, shoulders, or anything above the knee was chastened. I was told not to swear, I wasn’t allowed to drink tea or coffee, and I never knowingly touched alcohol. I couldn’t experiment with teenage life, I was taught to feel shame for learning about appropriate intimacy in the most natural teenage way, and I wasn’t allowed to openly rebel, and, so, I was conditioned to conform.

Feeling caged © Lisa Shambrook

The teachings of my religion were taught in programs that began at the age of three, continuing through to eighteen, including extra-curricular scripture studying programs during the exam years at school. Teachings are then taught in repetitive rotations throughout adult life, with that caveat of not learning from non-approved sources. 

This was an early pattern that my life followed as I tried to be good. I tried to follow the doctrines I’d been taught. I then taught those doctrines to my own children. That was where the cracks appeared to me. I revisited things I’d been taught as a teen, and some of it shocked me. When you are deep inside a faith, it can be difficult to see the problematic parts of it. When you are teaching people you love and respect more than anyone else, you begin to question things that don’t resonate with the values you suddenly realise you have.

My children, seeing some of the principles with a contemporary view, found that most of it did not fit their life perspectives. My views, whilst bringing up my children, had also changed as I tried to give them compassionate, open-minded morals and ethics. When my children left as young adults I was finally able to give myself permission to leave.

Quote by Elizabeth Gilbert © Lisa Shambrook

After over a decade of questioning, counselling, and attempting to find myself, I left the religion that I didn’t fit into, and stepped into a world I didn’t really understand. To begin with I felt huge relief, but that was tinged with feelings of guilt and shame that had followed me since I was young, and anger that conditioning had stopped me finding out where I was meant to be for so long.

After leaving religion I had counselling from a lovely woman who helped me combat my feelings of guilt and shame, and other situations I’d found myself in due to naivety. Counselling, these days, is something you look for yourself. It’s out there, but I wish it was easier to obtain. It’s been pretty essential to me several times throughout my life.

Deconstruction is a major part of working through trauma. Finding what you believe, what you want, and what you need. Breaking down the constructs, the beliefs, concepts, and doctrines you were moulded with, and dissecting, researching, and finally coming to terms with who you were and who you have become.

Becoming non-conforming age 53 © Lisa Shambrook

I have been reading Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control by Luna Lindsey Corbden for over a year to help navigate my own faith crisis. It’s taken so long because there are many triggers, there’s a lot to unpack, and it takes time to work through.

My own deconstruction, the peeling back of decades of taming, is tough, but rewarding. The notion of rebellion has lost the demonization it had carried as a teen, and become a vehicle of exploration, discovery, and fun. I can now show cleavage, have multiple piercings, tattoos, and not feel shame about living life to the full. Sometimes, you just need to be bad, and teenage me is revelling in it!  

As a family we finally discovered what we needed and where we belong. I’ve been married almost 35 years now, and we’re the happiest, closest, and the best we’ve ever been together. It’s beautiful.

Breaking the chains of my anchor © Lisa Shambrook

I’ve discovered who I am with complete freedom and authenticity.
An anchor that had been weighing me down for my entire life has lifted,
and its chains broken, and I now,
lazily swim in an ocean of new and delightful discoveries.

Somewhere Between Light and Dark – 2018 Tipsy Santa Blog Hop

Filtered Christmas Lights

© Lisa Shambrook

Somewhere Between Light and Dark

Birdsong filtered through the city noise and a breeze, as cold as the arctic, blustered through the trees. Kira let the chill dance about her feet and pulled her scarf tighter. She rested her hands on the park bench beside her. Frost still coated the wood like icing sugar and her finger tips traced gentle patterns.

She’d had a little tipple or two before leaving the house and a giggle left her lips. She felt deliciously naughty and not nice.

The birds still sang, but footsteps quietened them for a moment before they struck back up in a wintry chorus. Kira closed her eyes and listened to the beat of the shoe – heel, toe, heel, toe – until it faded in the distance.

The cold indicated snow would soon blanket the ground and the faint discord of Christmas music tickled her ears. She focussed on the music so intently that she missed the footsteps sauntering past, but her nose didn’t miss the scent that filled the air: salty, citrusy, and… sandalwood. Her cheeks flushed, but she didn’t move an inch.

Her attention leaped back to the footsteps and her eyes fluttered open again. The man sat down on the bench and Kira’s body tingled as the planks of wood sank adjusting to the weight of two. She was a little unsure if the cider she’d drunk at home caused the tilting warmth in her bones, or if it was something else.

He shifted his weight, somewhat uneasily, and the bench creaked. She splayed her fingers beside her on the wet wood, but they touched nothing. Her fingers retracted and her thighs tensed. His breath came light and shallow, and she imagined vapour like dragon’s smoke swirling before him.

“Hi.” His voice was soft, nervous, and gravelly.

He sounded like chocolate tasted, like coffee and vanilla, and Tia Maria, and she felt her heart skip. “Hi,” she responded, her own nerves tingling. It was a dangerous word, because maybe it wasn’t her he spoke to.

She felt the heat of his smile. “It’s cold, isn’t it?” he commented, staring ahead at the trees in front of them.

She nodded. “It is. Winter is definitely here.” She swallowed and bent her head a little.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but hesitated. Kira barely breathed, wondering if she should turn her head to him.

“I’ve seen you here loads before…” he began, then stopped abruptly, maybe worrying if he sounded like a stalker.

She smiled, recalling booted feet and aftershave. “I’ve noticed you too,” she said.

“You have?”

She nodded. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like I notice anything…”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” his voice betrayed anxiety.

“It’s okay.” She giggled, the cider giving her confidence. “I’m Kira.”

“Like Nerys?” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, that might be a bit too geeky! You might not have…”

“I have, and yes!” She grinned.

“Nick,” he said.

“Like Saint?”

He laughed. “Yep, just like him! But I don’t look a bit like him…” He paused and drew in a breath.

She laughed. “That’s okay, I’m not into the beardy type…” This time she hesitated. Maybe he had a beard.

“Good!” He said firmly, and she let out her breath. He moved a little closer on the bench and it rose and sank beneath his weight. “You’re not usually here alone,” he said.

Her mind whirled with danger, with attraction, and with a slightly tipsy sway. “I know, but I felt like getting out on my own.” She didn’t dare add it was because she knew he spent his lunch breaks in the park.

“Where is he?” he asked.

Kira reddened. He knew. She took a moment to compose herself. He was still talking to her, initiating conversation, even though he was perfectly aware of her situation. “He’s at home.”

“Do you often come out without him? I’ve never seen you alone before. I’d imagine he’s quite protective?”

She nodded. “He is, but I think he’ll like you.” She turned her head and bokeh from several points of light burst into her eyes. Even through a blur of light and dark, his silhouette was attentive and striking and she wanted to reach up and stroke his face. “You should meet him.”

“I’d like that,” he said and his hand moved across the bench to touch hers. “Would you like me to walk you home?”

She nodded. “I think Odin, my guide dog, will love you!”

0000. Divider

This is a Christmas tale for Ruth, Laura, and Cara‘s 2018 Tipsy Santa Blog Hop

750 words max on a tipsy Christmas theme. ‘Bring us your tales of drunken holiday mayhem (no Santa actually required, but the Tipsy part is highly encouraged).’

I’m feeling mellow this year, so not going full out drunk, just romantically tipsy…

Spring’s Symphony of Dragons

Let the Song of Dragons Lead You…

A Symphony of Dragons - Lisa Shambrook - Purple Ad lower

Marketing books is not easy – writing them is much more fun!
But if you’re looking for a new book this will tell you everything you want to know about A Symphony of Dragons.

Soar on dragon wings within a collection of fantasy, contemporary, romance, steampunk,
and post-apocalyptic tales composed with the gossamer threads of dragon fire.

Seven tales which will introduce you to my storytelling, if you haven’t read anything of mine before, and will enchant you. These are stories that move from very short to epic, and will leave you wanting more. Every tales entwines the theme of dragons, from stories about actual dragons, to the slightest hint of the refrain…

Symphony and Spring ad the last krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

So, here’s what you’ll get:

Change – The seasons arrive on dragon wings…
A Symphony of Seasons – If you thought you knew how the seasons arrived
– think again. They arrive with dragons.

A Symphony of Seasons © Lisa Shambrook

A Symphony of Seasons © Lisa Shambrook

Desire – A dangerous love potion…
The Apothecary’s Art – He’s looking for a love potion,
but going to get much more than he asked for.

The Apothecary's Art © Lisa Shambrook

The Apothecary’s Art © Lisa Shambrook

Love – Carving love in ice…
Between Ice and Fire – It’s a freezing morning when Laine comes
across an ice sculptor – will he carve a place in her heart?

Between Ice and Fire © Lisa Shambrook

Between Ice and Fire © Lisa Shambrook

Belonging – The finale…
Freya’s Dragon – A fitting and inspiring closing tale to my
Surviving Hope novels which can also be read as a standalone story.
Freya, Meg, and Jasmine find peace.

Freya's Dragon © Lisa Shambrook

Freya’s Dragon © Lisa Shambrook

Passion – Dancing beneath la luna…
Noctilite Tryst
– When dragon’s find their soulmate it requires passion, fire,
and a dance beneath the moon.

Noctilite Tryst © Lisa Shambrook

Noctilite Tryst © Lisa Shambrook

Sacrifice – Atoning Steampunk…
The Paroxysm – Faced with a ferocious dragon battle, steampunk Captain
Jericha Blacklocke and her crew make a devastating choice…

Paroxysm © Lisa Shambrook

Paroxysm © Lisa Shambrook

Triumph – Arianwen’s legend…
The Legend of the Seren Stone – The Daenmawr has attacked post-apocalypse Wales, and only Arianwen can conquer the beast.
She becomes the legend that accompanies my forthcoming Seren Stone Chronicles.

The Legend of the Seren Stone - Arianwen - art Hither the Wind - Tahina Morrison and J Edward Neill

The Legend of the Seren Stone © Lisa Shambrook – art: Hither the Wind by Tahina Morrison and J Edward Neill

Please visit my website to find information and links to purchase. This book is available in print and eBook at your local Amazon. All the purchase links and availability can also be found with my publisher at BHC Press. You can also purchase paperbacks at a reduced price at my Etsy shop Amaranth Alchemy

Please remember to add A Symphony of Dragons to your Goodreads Want to Read list and scribble out a reviewyou already know how much I’d appreciate that!

Symphony_Lisa_Shambrook_Ad_Release

Which Animal Lives in your Heart – what Animal Are You?

Many of us identify with animals…
we relate to certain creature characteristics, to animals we connect with,
on both an aesthetic level and on a much deeper spiritual level.

Which Animal Lives in Your Heart - What Animal are You - The Last Krystallos

Lots of novels bond their protagonists with animals, from Philip Pullman’s Lyra and Pantalaimon, her dæmon, in His Dark Materials, to Harry Potter and his stag Patronus, and countless other books. My own Seren Stone Chronicles, which I’m currently writing contain animals that have connected with some of my characters, and it’s definitely fun to write.

Many cultures have beliefs that connect them to animals like Native American Spirit Guides and Animal Totems. There is huge significance to those who recognise their animal guides, and it’s not a frivolous choice of whatever creature you like, but a deeply sacred experience. There are plenty of online games and quizzes to find your Spirit Animal, but it doesn’t work like that, a Spirit Guide will come to you, not the other way round and no one can assign an animal to you.

So, I am not talking about Spirit Guides or Spirit Animals here, I’m taking a more light-hearted look at animals that we feel a commonality with.

Years ago I wrote a paragraph, at a time when I felt trapped and confined in my life, and I yearned for escape: ‘I once answered a question: If you could be an animal, which would you be and why?  No hesitation… I would be a horse, a wild horse. “I couldn’t stand being a trained horse, left in a field and ridden when the owner wished…” I wrote. “I would be wild and free, roaming valleys, mountains, forests… I would race, chase the wind and explore, as free as the air. Graceful and beautiful.” Then I put a spin on my answer, I wouldn’t be a horse, I’d be a unicorn. I would not only be wild and free, but I’d be mythical and mysterious. People would wonder if I really existed, I would live in dreams, a free spirit, magical and carefree… I would be a unicorn.’

When I came upon this piece recently, it made me think about animals we relate to, and what animal I would associate with myself? Then I expanded and was curious which animals I would link my family to. I wonder if they agree?

Although I don’t like to limit the choice to one, I’d still love to be a unicorn – I know much more about myself and I believe I am probably a Squirrel

Lisa Squirrel
© Lisa Shambrook (bottom right: Squirrel wallpaper)

I’m anxious, socially awkward, and a hoarder. I scamper about erratically, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, collecting treasure – acorn cups in particular – and I am very much at home in nature, within the forests, wandering through mossy glens beside trickling streams. I will observe you from a distance, and maybe, just maybe, if I feel confident enough, I’ll sidle up close to see if I can trust you enough with my presence! I am soft, nervous, bold, a paradox, and wild, just like a squirrel.

Vince Bear
© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Bear wallpaper)

I see my husband as a bear, a big, brown bear. He keeps me safe, and gives me confidence and my trust in him is implicit. He’s large, in the best way, has a huge heart and when I’m in his arms, nothing can touch me. When he’s grizzly and grouchy he needs love and appreciation, and then his fur fluffs up and he’s happy to explore and adventure with us. His inner strength shines like the sun. Vince is cuddly, protective, tender, warm and passionate, just like a bear.

Bekah Fox
© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Fox wallpaper, bottom right: Fox wallpaper)

Rayn is a wild one, they move to their own beat, and follows their own path. They have a nature that embraces adventure and exploration, and a spirit that defies definition. They know what they’re doing, constantly bettering themself, learning new things and developing. Rayn is an individual – conforming is not in their dictionary – and their style is their own. They are passion and cunning, spirit and character; they’ll twinkle like the stars and keep you enchanted and enthralled, just like a fox.

Dan Dog
© Lisa Shambrook

Dan is definitely a puppy dog. He’s cheerful and loving and sensitive to everything about him. He’ll play with gusto and disregard, and throw himself right in at the deep end. Dan will be your rock, your companion, the person you can rely on, and he will trust you just as you trust him. He is faithful and strong, playful and open. You’ll know exactly where you are with him. He’s adorable, happy, stubborn, funny, and caring, and will always be there for you, just like a pup.

Cait Wolf
© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Wolf wallpaper)

My lone wolf is Cait, a spirit that seeks something deeper and won’t rest ‘til she finds it. She’s a deep thinker, an empathic soul that desires the best in an imperfect world. She wonders in the simplicity of nature, and yearns for compassion in her fiery heart. Cait will champion your cause and fight for your rights while wrapping herself within her own aesthetic. She is quiet, sullen, bright, and quick-witted, sharp and devoted, and she will move beneath the moon, just like a wolf.

What animal do you relate to most and what do you think others’ would perceive you as?

If you could be any animal, which would you choose?    

And…I might be a unicorn, or a squirrel, but I am also a dragon, and a cat…
and much, much more! What about you?

 

Love, Fear, and Gratitude – Guest Post by Tina Frisco…

Suffering anxiety and panic for most of my life and seeing a counsellor has allowed me to investigate and see that its root is fear… There are many ways we can control fear, but it’s possibly the most damaging of emotions to us, so love really does need to win through! This is a beautiful and important post 💕

Chris The Story Reading Ape's avatarChris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

Image courtesy of Lucie Stastkova

What is love? Not romantic love, but the essence of love, pure and unadulterated. Pure love lightens and enlightens. But what is it? In truth, love can’t be defined; we can only talk around it. In attempting to de-fine it, we con-fine it and thus lose it. Love simply is. And love is our true nature.

What is the opposite of love? Many would say hate. Seems logical, right? When we’re not sitting in love, expanded and with an open heart, we’re struggling to keep our heads above the quicksand of raw emotion. Truth is: the opposite of love is fear. All that isn’t love stems from fear. Love and fear are our primeval baseline emotions.

So what is this seemingly ubiquitous, all-consuming emotion we call fear? When we constrict – when our hearts close, our muscles tighten, our thoughts ricochet, our spirits dim – we sit in…

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Llandeilo X-Mas Book Fair in Pictures and Review

This is what I got up to last weekend – and I wore antlers!

130-llandeilo-christmas-book-fair-lisa-dec-2016

Christoph Fischer's avatarwriterchristophfischer

15069158_1255388731194546_2608188367540591925_oOn Dec 10th the second Llandeilo Book Fair took place at the Civic Hall. It had a lovely Christmas theme and the town of Llandeilo continued its marvellous tradition of supporting the arts. Despite heavy rain there was a reasonable footfall an15493730_10153868506042132_6044812924487945261_od the characteristic positive vibe in the hall.

Many of the over 30 authors present had dressed up for the occasion, festive music added to the atmosphere and the popular “Hangout at the Yard” offered delicious refreshments.

15327500_10153868348822132_4609684603723834833_nEvery half hour a different events lured some of the audience to the upstairs event room throughout the day for performances ranging from interactive story telling, poetry open mic and author readings. On this occasion the organisers put particular emphasis on ‘Welsh’. Almost all authors present live in South Wales, and books with a Welsh theme or location were plenty afoot. 81ae2-hiraeth-a-loss-front-cover-artworkLiz Riley-Jones read from her Hiraeth Trilogy – introduced in Welsh, Graham…

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Wednesday Worries : How did we get into this mess?

Some thoughtful and passionate words from Christoph Fischer, emulating my own feelings about the hard right of society. Don’t tell me you care when you can’t give to others… We need less hyprocrisy and more compassion throughout humanity…

Christoph Fischer's avatarwriterchristophfischer

We IMGP2282never had it this good on our beautiful planet: Life expectancy, average intelligence and health have improved so much in the last decades, overall poverty is in decline, we have more democracies than despots and fewer wars than ever.

Past generations fought for a fairer and better world, millions gave their lives to stop evil, racism, fascism, sexism and CWBY8Hxhate. They took in Jews, refugees, sent Care packages and even fed the ones who started the war, out of goodness and love.
The dividing line between good and bad was clearly visible but friend or foe, the Red Cross helped, we didn’t turn our backs on fellow human beings.

I was under the illusion that the United Nations, Nato, the EU… all of these were institutions to prevent future wars and bring us closer together as humans. Humanity was moving forward and we were approaching a new, good age.

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Guest Post from author, @LisaShambrook #wwwBlogs 7 Reasons Why You Should Be You…

Got a chance to be part of The Big Blue Takeover on Shelley Wilson’s blog…so find out How to Be You!

shelleywilson72's avatarShelley Wilson Author

Guest_Lisa

Today’s guest on the Big Blue Takeover is, Lisa Shambrook author of the beautiful ‘Hope Within’ series and blogger at The Last Krystallos. Over to Lisa…

To be nobody but yourself - the last krystallos- lisa   shambrook7 Reasons Why You Should Be You…

I spent years trying to be someone different, trying to be someone everyone wanted me to be. Way back in 1989 – I’m giving away my age now – when I was 18, I scrawled a poem: ‘I’ll open my heart and show you inside, but don’t let me know what you’ve seen. I want to be everything everyone wants me to be, but I’m not sure I know how. I don’t even know how to be me.’ …and I lived that teenage angst for another decade or so before allowing myself to discover who I was.

Don’t do it. Don’t be anyone but yourself.

Figuring out who you are is the whole point of the human experience. …

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