Brighton Rocks…

After a weekend away in my hometown, I see how much I really miss Brighton!

I miss the sea so much. I used to live one mile from the ocean, and now I’m so much further from the sea in Wales.

That’s not to say I’m not happy with the welsh beaches I live close to, I adore the sandy shores of Pendine, Pembrey and Llansteffan…miles and miles of broad sandy beaches, perfect for walking the dog, splashing through the waves and soaking up the sun. They don’t get as busy as Brighton beaches and they’re still my favourite places to be.

But, and it’s a big but, I miss my childhood beaches of Brighton and Hove. I don’t understand why, but I even have fond memories of climbing up from the sea, across the pebbles ‘ouch’, hopping and stepping carefully to find your towel, placed strategically far up the beach… I remember wandering, again stepping carefully, across the beach trying to find the patch of sand that you know is there…but where? Then you find it… A metre square patch of golden sand…what a find, a real treasure! And sitting on the pebbles, throwing stones at drinks cans lodged ten feet away! And I love the ‘plop’ of stones as they arc and plunge into the sea as they escape your hands.

I love the big stone groynes placed between the beaches, I can remember spending warm evenings sitting on the end of these watching the sun go down and enjoying friendships and romances! I loved late evenings watching the sunset with the ocean stretching out in front of me…

I remember the magic of walking on the Palace Pier as a young girl, and staring down through the weathered wooden boards at the green ocean twinkling and sparkling in the sunlight below. The salty smell of the ocean and the wind rippling through my hair…I relived all these last week!

So, I miss Brighton…I think there’ll always be a magic in your place of birth that you won’t find anywhere else!

…Must be talking to an angel…

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So let’s be open-minded…do you believe in angels?

I do, but only in the ‘those who have lived and those who are yet to live’ sense…I don’t hold with old fashioned, Valentine style, cherubic babies with wings who adorn our Christmas cards, or the huge-winged, haloed, grave-yard dwelling divas, no matter how much I like the latest ‘Lynx-Fallen Angels’ advert!

I believe in beings who are just beyond our sight, who have either died or are waiting to be born…

I think these are our celestial angels.

Given my beliefs, I had an interesting experience just the other day…

I was scoffing a little at a phone-in on a morning magazine show about guardian angels. I listened with half an ear as I worked, as I don’t believe we have a specific personal guardian angel, (though I do believe we are perhaps surrounded by ancestors and others who watch us,).

Anyway the conversation turned to white feathers…apparently when you see or find a white feather it means that your guardian angel is watching over you…I grinned as I listened and spoke out loud to anyone in any realm who might be listening…

“Hey, angels, here’s one for you then! You need to show me a white feather, come on, it’s all yours..!”

Thus, I threw down the proverbial gauntlet!

I chuckled to myself and carried on with my task, sure that there were no white feathers anywhere close by (the only ones in the house were packed up in my scrapbooking box).

So imagine my surprise when moments later a teeny weeny white feather dropped and landed by my side!

It was truly tiny, just over 1cm, as you can see from the photo… but it fell as if from heaven itself!

I picked it up and my mouth broke into an amused smile. As I examined it I laughed and laughed, I knew exactly where the feather had come from, and I leaned back and picked up a lilac cushion. This cushion is filled with these tiny feathers, I shook it violently and attempted to shake out a feather, but no, nothing left the cushion! I shook my head and gazed about the room. I was impressed, and I told my ghostly visitors so!

Guardian angel? Ancestors with a big sense of humour?

Whichever, they couldn’t have picked a smaller feather to prove a point, or let it waft so delicately to my sceptical side…

Someone in the hereafter (or the herebefore) heard my challenge and thought, “No probs…let’s have a giggle!”

Next time I think I’ll ask them for something bigger!

‘Make yourself familiar with the angels and behold them frequently in spirit;

for without being seen, they are present with you.’

St Francis De Sales

Mighty oaks from little acorns grow…

Sinking…

I find ecstasy in living; the mere sense of living is joy enough. (Emily Dickinson)

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I’ve often wondered what brings real happiness… after all a couple just won £56million on the National Lottery, would that bring me happiness? Erm…probably! Yet I don’t have a fraction of that and I’m happy.

There’s no doubt that a million or two would contribute to my happiness, but money won’t be my ultimate path to happiness!

‘All you need is Love’… maybe, but not necessarily that recently celebrated Valentine love…it does help to have a soul mate and a friend, but the love I’m talking about is the love you have for yourself.

‘ To love oneself is the beginning

of a lifelong romance’

(Oscar Wilde)

I turned from a quiet and shy schoolgirl, into a teenager caught within a cage of responsibility, desperately trying to assert and rebel, to a young woman finding love and needing acceptance, but I had no idea who I was… I had become a wife and a mother, but who was I?

Are we ever truly happy with who we are? Seven years ago I extricated myself from a breakdown and set about discovering myself…

Back in 1989 I wrote: ‘I want to be everything everyone wants me to be, but I’m not sure I know how, I don’t even know how to be me…’ then in 2004 I began to exorcise my demons: ‘I wanted to be everything everyone wanted me to be, but I didn’t know how to be me, so I tore off my mask and ripped out my heart, and left my soul bare to bleed. I clenched my fists tight and screamed out loud, now I’m learning how to be me…’ It took another four or five years before I could close that chapter: ‘My heart is now open and clear to see, and I don’t feel the need to please. People can take me for what they want me to be, but I only need to be me. My heart can soar in a world of its own, and no one can stop me at all. For over the years there’s a lesson I’ve learned, and I know exactly how to be me.’

So what makes you happy? I think it’s knowing who you are and making the best of yourself and finding joy in what is around you…allow yourself the freedom of being who you are meant to be.

To me, that’s recognising your greatness within.

‘To be a star you must follow your own light,

follow your own path,

and never fear the darkness

for that is when the stars shine their brightest.’

(anon)

Happiness for me is…family, a walk in the snow with a loopy dog, throwing snowballs, laughing and being together…it is writing and losing myself in the story within my head…creating scrapbook pages full of memories…painting and drawing…knowing who I am in the great scheme of things…and sharing that love with those around me… and yes, I found myself. ♥